Parody Of A Farce

I could take up some of your precious time pointing out the endless innuendo, contradictions and hysterics in Dovid Teitelbaum’s latest screed. However I do not have the time for that now. Something much more important, a matter of life and death has come to my attention which I need to talk about NOW!

The Camp Scam: How tens of thousands of young boys and girls have been conned out of their precious money by a scam “rabbi”

“A fool says what everyone else thinks. An idiot thinks what everyone else says” – Der velt

“Someone’s got to say what everyone else on the internet is saying” – Really courageous guy

This post is a follow-up to my previous posts:

10,000 questions about the “camp”

How I really love the camp with all my heart and soul

My position of NEVER accusing without providing detailed evidence for all to see

36 reasons why camps suck

The original purpose of this blog was to offer nice Divrei Torah for you to tell your kids by the Shabbos table. You know how “Hashem is here, Hashem is there, Hashem is truly everywhere”. That type of stuff. However I have come to most reluctant realization that there is no way I can speak about Hashem without condemning all the conniving charlatans who are behind this dreadful “camp scam”. What one has to do with the other? Freg nisht. I just cannot let this slide anymore.

My personal Rebbe, the great gaon and tzaddik, has commanded me to bring this matter to the attention of the world. He told me to give over in his name that this is the worst thing to happen to Klal Yisroel, since, I don’t know, the Golden Calf. However, I will not be posting his name for privacy reasons, I will only post the names of scoundrels. Unless someone legitimately tries to dispute any of my allegations, I will keep all my evidence private. Yes, you read this right. Unless someone tries to legitimately dispute the evidence I will show no one, I will assume that my evidence is accurate – and show no one. Stop laughing at me.

It’s truly a depressing story, but the upside is that all the thousand rabbonim that have visited this camp either a) didn’t visit b) didn’t have a clue about this camp that they so vehemently promoted. Either way, you can feel good about our clueless rabbonim.

I would’ve been happy to sell this expose to any takers, however they said no, mentioning some narishkeit about hearsay and sources (don’t exactly know what they wanted). So I’ll have to publish it myself. I really can also put up ads on my site to make me rich, but I’ll stay poor so that no one can accuse me of being being bought off by the camp directors to post this expose of them. Again you’re laughing, stop it.

You should also know that I am the ONLY one who has reams and reams of the frightful evidence. I thought about doing this post anonymously, but then it wouldn’t have the credibility I’ve earned with my previous unsourced attacks and would also cause a greater chillul hashem then I’m about to do. Are those tears in your eyes?

If I sound obsessed or something, it’s because I’m frustrated, frustrated that I’m screaming and screaming and no one is giving me the time of day. I get tens of thousands of phone calls from rabbonim, rebbes and roshei yeshiva, menhalim, mechanchim, accountants, lawyers, doctors and janitors all aghast at the camp they have been pushing. No, I won’t tell you their names, not even one. The camp mafia will kill them and their families (unlike me, who for some reason they haven”t ordered a hit on. Yes, it’s sort of depressing, what am I chopped liver??).  I cannot believe how Klal Yisroel is turning to ME to take care of it’s problems (actually, it’s kinda cool ;)). This camp situation is THE problem in Yiddishkiet today, not Torah and stuff like that. Our HOLY COMMUNITY is being debased by these camp guys, as you can see by the comments on my blog. Nasty blog comments prove that the situation is nasty which caused the nasty comments in the first place.

Do you think I enjoy all this attention? Of course not!! My first post was actually about chinuch and mentschlichkiet but since it has been over a month (do you believe it, a month! What tales so long to create perfect human beings??) and my orders recommendations have not been carried out to the letter, due to the interference of the super villains, therefore I will now attack and destroy them all. (Yes, I can do that, even though they’re super villains, their mafia cannot close ME down. Still not sure why they’re ignoring me though)

A caveat: In exposing this terrible scam, In addition to not providing any of the evidence I have, I will also not tell you who I am referring to (hint: check my previous posts). You can ask the victims of this con and they’ll tell you, although I’m not sure who the conners were and who the conees are but there were conners and conees and I will expose the truth. You look confused. Is it anything I said?

Really, I had no intention of being involved with this, when I first hocked a cheinek I had no idea what I was talking about. However that led to all the super-secret evidence coming my way, bit by bit, making be the new Bob Woodward ( I get shivers just thinking about it. Isn’t this spy stuff cool?). Some of my information I got from reliable sites such as The Onion and Innuendo.com, others were from anonymous emails (they seemed to come from Nigeria, anybody have an idea how the Nigerians know about this?). Some facts I put together from my blog stats (I don’t know what that means, just sounds important) and other facts I got through leaked information. (The plumbers, remember? Watergate?) Many people helped me along the way but their names are not important. All you have to do is trust me. Again with the laughing.

As soon as I saw the brochure for this “camp” I KNEW something was horribly wrong.

1 Too good to be true. A camp that offers a “great time” and a “wonderful summer”? Can’t be. Whoever had a wonderful summer? Haven”t they heard of rainy days? The first sign of scandal.

2 They promise color war. Everyone knows that color war is just another way to suck in gullible campers. Then they promise a color war breakout for the ages, another lure to bait the fish (as I point out, camps in the 1920’s never had people jumping out of helicopters to announce color wars, suspicious indeed).

3 Details withheld: Just “you’ll have a great time”. No daily calenders, no minute by minute program, it MUST be a scam!

4 The booklet of stories and testimonials of campers describing what a good time they had. Who ever heard of using testimonials in an ad campaign??

5 Not associated with any known camp. Not aguda, not rayim, not shalvah. even though all the rabbonim of those camps promote this camp, but it has IT’S OWN NAME! How suspicious is that!

6 The director of the camp’s name (I said before I won’t name names, but I’ll link to a post where I do. Also in case you missed it, his name IS the link) is left off the brochure so people shouldn’t be put off by the lashon hora and rumors flying around his name (mostly started by me, but who’s checking?).

7 No verifiable references or testimonials. I mean it did say hundreds of specific names (unlike me who keeps my sources to myself) on posters all over the world, but how do you know that all the names aren’t forged? It’s not like you can call them or whatnot. You can call them and they would’ve protested if their names were forged? Surely they wouldn’t visit the camp if their names were forged? You’re forgetting it’s a mafia, a mafia I tell you (although they won’t get me, ha ha)! Sort of like that international Jewish conspiracy I read in some book, I forget it’s name protocols of the zaides or something.

8 Using photos unrelated to the topic: what does a photo of a happy boy have to do with you ponying up cash for a camp? Very suspicious.

So now let me tell you what’s REALLY going on. This camp is not really a camp, it’s a money making scam, cooked up by the director of this camp as well as the handyman who lives there all year. Basically they just want to take money money money from campers and their families. Now they do provide a camp so that’s not where the scam is. The scam is in the TRIP MONEY (shhh). Yes, the trip money is a surcharge they charged every naive camper for trips they had NO intention of going on. Even though they ended up not charging the trip fee and going on the trip regardless, that was only because something or the other happened, don’t ask me what.

Having realized that they botched up, the director and the handyman are not giving up. They intend on getting all campers to pay for the trips that they took last year by hook or by crook. To achieve that goal they put out a booklet, (which was printed before they cancelled the fee, but they knew they would have to cancel it) which pushes, pulls threatens and makes you quake in your boots (real scary pictures) if you don’t pay the fee. It does mention in big letters that the fee is optional, but not in REALLY BIG letters, just normal big ones. Thieves.

You may be tempted to explain the above as just a camp trying to arrange a nice trip for it’s campers, but don’t be fooled. It is a horrible, terrible, no good, money grubbing scam. If anyone has a different explanation, feel free to share it with me, but don’t use names, especially the name and organization that I used. This is not about people, but about a poor, perhaps well-intentioned but misguided camp. Who are evil, horrible, mean, nasty and call me names.

And don’t try to pin this all on this director or the above mentioned organization (even though that’s what I did). All the rabbonim who support this camp (even though they are naive, were duped and their signature forged and I have the greatest respect for them) should have their feet held to the fire. And all those who don’t want to read this article, sign them up anyway, what a surprise it will be for them. Wait, are you calling ME childish!

In summation: I do believe that all the rabbonim who promote this camp are sincere about it, although they have known exactly what type of scam they are getting into. I don’t know how this makes sense, ask them. Despite how this is not about me at all, you should just know what bad stuff I’ve gone through ever since I began calling people names in public and making baseless charges. Sheesh, are these guys sensitive! Call them thieves or whatever and they really get mean! Now they’re calling ME names, how DARE they!! Anyway this is the my last post on this subject after by previous two final posts and until my next final post. So long. And remember people, ALWAYS RESPECT RABBONIM!

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Citi Field: A Kiddush Hashem in the Eyes of Law Enforcement

Matzav:

Citi Field maintains a diverse workforce, including an Event Planning Staff. They did a superb job throughout the planning stages. Most of these individuals have had little or no previous exposure to the Orthodox community.

Everyone came away with a very positive impression,”  (emphasis added) said one staff member.

Members of the more than 28 agencies and departments involved in planning and executing the event echoed similar praise. They were astounded by the respectful and dignified behavior displayed by the attendees. The orderliness was a true kiddush Hashem. The police department created an inner circle on the field that was declared a non-trespassing zone. Not one person attempted to cross the line. Members of the FBI also remarked on the absolute quiet and derech eretz that was evident while rabbonim spoke.

 

This was reported by Matzav and YWN. I’m still waiting for it to be picked up by the media in general and our favorite bloggers in particular.

My guess? It won’t be, because it doesn’t fit the narrative. Haredim=bad, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.

The Asifa at Citi Cield – An Historic Realignment

The Gemara in Berachos states “Beshas Hamefazrim, Caneis. Loosely translated as “when all are dispersing, you should gather”. Throughout history, there has been no greater time of dispersion, i.e. openness, then today and there is no greater tool for that purpose than the internet. At the asifa last night, Gedolei Yisroel made their decision crystal clear: it is time to Caneis, it is time to gather in.

The following is my understanding* of what took place at the historic gathering at CIti Field. We all know what was said; that the Internet may only be used for business purposes and with a filter. What needs to be understood is that an historic realignment took place that I think will come to the forefront in the days to come.

Gedolei Hador were faced with an excruciatingly difficult question: what is the internet and how should Haredi Jews relate to it. There is no doubt that good has come about through the internet alongside the bad. What was needed was a cost-benefit analysis, a view of the forest instead of the trees. Does the good outweigh the bad or vice versa? Or maybe the internet is neutral and can be controlled.

After much deliberation and based on over ten years of experience with internet-related issues, a consensus was reached. Nimnu vegamru, the bad, the destruction, wreaked on Klal Yisroel and Reb Yisroel as a result of internet use outweighs (by far) whatever positive it can do and has done. Therefore, the internet is out.

Knowing that internet access is a must for businesses, a heter was carved out, bidieved, and for business use only. So for Haredi Jews, the internet was now a business tool and a business tool only, not to be used for Torah, education, information, recreation or anything else.

What came next must’ve been even more difficult to deal with. What about the many people, currently part of the Haredi camp, who will have difficulty or be unable to adjust to the new approach? Here they ran into the difficulty faced by our leaders throughout the ages. Whenever gedarim and seyagim, (i.e. fences and walls) are erected to promote observance and protect the Haredi camp, besides for protecting those within, they also keep others out. With the internet in particular, there are many who are already knee deep in it’s clutches and may be unwilling (or unable) to give it up.

This dilemma, as difficult and as heartbreaking as it is, did not prevent our leaders, from Chazal on forward, from doing what needed to be done. Not from a sense of apathy toward those who cannot toe the line, chas veshalom. Quite the contrary, every soul outside the wall is another hole in our collective soul, in the komah shleima of Klal Yisroel. Nevertheless, in the interest of the greater good, of protecting and enhancing the vast majority of Haredi Jews and their children, the decision was made to gather in. Caneis. To proclaim “Mi Lashem Alai” and hope and pray that as many as possible responded.

Following in the footsteps of every takanah of Chazal, from when Dovid HaMelech excluded the Givonim, down to modern times when Gedolei Yisroel  eschewed Zionism, the decision was taken and the battle was joined. Not lightly, for there is a price to pay. No, not the ridicule of the haters, which factors little into the decision-making process of people entrusted with the future of authentic Judaism. Rather it is the percentage of hamon am, regular people, who will be unable to jump on the train leaving the station and may be lost forever, along with their progeny.

Many believe there is a different path that could’ve been taken, the path of more openness. Gedolei Yisroel considered it and rejected it. Going forward, the line in the sand has been drawn and judging by their track record, much good will come from it.

*This is just aniyus dati, my own understanding of what I heard. I have not discussed this with anyone nor do I have inside knowledge of what transpired.

How They Deal With The Cold In Chelm

The famous Sage of Chelm came home one night to find his family shivering from the cold.

“Oh Great Sage”, they cried, “We’re freezing here, help us warm up”! So the Sage scratched his head and put his not inconsiderable intellect to the task at hand.

“First” he said, “We need to understand why we’re cold”. He then launched into a detailed explanation of the properties of cold and heat and their effect on the human body. His family listened intently while hugging themselves in the vain attempt to keep warm.

A visiting stranger attempted to interrupt. “Ahem, Great Sage, would you consider perhaps closing the windows and turning on the fireplace? That would warm things up quite a bit”.

The sage turned to him with a wise smile. “Those solutions may work for you where you come from and they may have worked in years past, but today things are different. We need to UNDERSTAND what cold is before we try to deal with it”.

“Do you think it’s that simple”? The Sage continued, marveling at the naivete of his guest. “How many people close their windows and light fires and are still cold? How many times has your approach just dealt with the SYMPTOMS of cold without addressing the deeply-rooted issues underneath? Why, if we were truly a happy family, that would be enough to keep us eternally warm, without any external window-closing and fire-burning”.

Turning back to the matter at hand, the sage continued. “Dear family, you need to realize that cold can be used to do MUCH good. On a hot summer day, wouldn’t you just die for a place to cool off in? How would we keep our food fresh without the cold? And what type of boring world would we live in if the weather was always balmy, without the brisk, refreshing chill of a winter day”?

“Uh, Dear Sage”, said the stranger, “May I interrupt”? “Sure my son”, the Sage replied, “But please, no more of your outdated and disproven ideas. We’re looking for deep and meaningful solutions, solutions that will elevate us to a higher dimension, not some practical, Band-aid fix”.

“Okay” said the stranger.” I just thought to point out that the benefits of cold can be realized without us freezing to death. So how about we first make sure the windows are closed and the fires are lit and THEN we get to the really important stuff”?

The Sage shook his head with a sad smile. “You’re stuck in the past, my friend”, he said. “Sure, you could close the window and start a fire and everyone will warm up but that’s not the issue here. The issue at hand is the deep dissatisfaction that’s at play. But I don’t expect you to understand”.

And so it is today in Chelm, when your window breaks you don’t call a glazier, you call a psychiatrist.