Metzitzah B’Peh: Only The Beginning

UPDATE: New CDC Data May Not Show Risk Due To Metzitzah B’peh

Original Post:

Nanny Bloomberg and his wet nurses are very concerned with what people are putting in their mouths these days. After banning large soda beverages, they now turn their attention to another threat to society, Metzitzah B”Peh:

New York City Health Commissioner Dr. Thomas Farley today issued a statement strongly urging that direct oral-genital suction not be performed during Jewish ritual circumcision, and announced that several hospitals, including those serving Hasidic Jewish communities and all Health and Hospital Corporation hospitals, have agreed to distribute a brochure that describes the risk of contracting the herpes virus from this practice, known as metzitzah b’peh.

Note that Chief Wet-nurse Farley refrained from issuing a ban on Metzitzah B’peh, opting instead for a “strongly worded statement”. This may be due to an archaic law called the First Amendment, part of an ancient and infrequently invoked body of laws known as the Constitution. There is also the minor detail that the risk of danger to the baby (2 deaths out of over an estimated 100k MB”P) through MB”P is about the same as giving it Tylenol and much less than second-hand smoke, neither of which is banned.

However, this is just the beginning. A document has come to light, purportedly from the desk of Dr. Farley, featuring the next steps in the War on To Save Humanity From Themselves. Quoted in full below:

Memo: To The Mayor

From: Dr. Farley.

In accordance with your recent directive that we zero in on other potential hazardous materials and practices that may affect children, we have come up with the following:

Jewish Rituals To Be Banned:

Matzah (increased risk of gastrointestinal distress)

Cheesecake on Shavous (trampling danger due to intense pressure to get the best piece)

Prayers on the High Holidays will be cut by three hours (long prayers, especially by a professional Chazan, can lead to a 37% increase in risk of heart attack and stroke)

Lulav (paper cuts)

Sukkah (6.7 times more likely to collapse than regular house)

Chanukah Candlelighting (fire risk)

Purim Gragger (noise pollution, increased risk of senior citizen hitting children due to unauthorized cap gun discharges)

Chulent on Shabbos (increased Global Warming due to flatulence)

The following objects will no longer be permitted in houses with small children:

Small objects of any kind (choking hazard)

Food (choking hazard)

Bikes (children on bikes are 9 times more likely to fall off them than children on a couch)

Hot beverages (increased risk of burns)

Counters, chairs and tables (children on an elevated surface are 4.9 times likelier to fall than children sitting on the floor)

Toilets and bathtubs (risk of drowning)

Windows (risk of falling)

Cleaning agents of any kind (risk of poison)

Medicine (risk of poison)

All toys (choking hazard, lead exposure, mental distress due to sibling rivalry)

Parents may no longer do the following activities with their children:

Put them to sleep (SIDS)

Feed them (choking hazard)

Carry them (risk of falling)

Transport them in a motor vehicle (studies show that children in a motor vehicle are 8.9760 times more likely to be in a car crash then children at home)

Bathe them (drowning)

Have them (studies show that parents who have children are 2.4 times more likely to abuse them than parents who don’t)

The sheeple are more than willing to submit to the continued benevolence of our Mayor-for-Life and his do-gooders. We just have one request to add to the above list: No million dollar couches. 900,000? That’s fine. A Million? Too much. Deal? No?

Didn’t think so.


Parody Of A Farce

I could take up some of your precious time pointing out the endless innuendo, contradictions and hysterics in Dovid Teitelbaum’s latest screed. However I do not have the time for that now. Something much more important, a matter of life and death has come to my attention which I need to talk about NOW!

The Camp Scam: How tens of thousands of young boys and girls have been conned out of their precious money by a scam “rabbi”

“A fool says what everyone else thinks. An idiot thinks what everyone else says” – Der velt

“Someone’s got to say what everyone else on the internet is saying” – Really courageous guy

This post is a follow-up to my previous posts:

10,000 questions about the “camp”

How I really love the camp with all my heart and soul

My position of NEVER accusing without providing detailed evidence for all to see

36 reasons why camps suck

The original purpose of this blog was to offer nice Divrei Torah for you to tell your kids by the Shabbos table. You know how “Hashem is here, Hashem is there, Hashem is truly everywhere”. That type of stuff. However I have come to most reluctant realization that there is no way I can speak about Hashem without condemning all the conniving charlatans who are behind this dreadful “camp scam”. What one has to do with the other? Freg nisht. I just cannot let this slide anymore.

My personal Rebbe, the great gaon and tzaddik, has commanded me to bring this matter to the attention of the world. He told me to give over in his name that this is the worst thing to happen to Klal Yisroel, since, I don’t know, the Golden Calf. However, I will not be posting his name for privacy reasons, I will only post the names of scoundrels. Unless someone legitimately tries to dispute any of my allegations, I will keep all my evidence private. Yes, you read this right. Unless someone tries to legitimately dispute the evidence I will show no one, I will assume that my evidence is accurate – and show no one. Stop laughing at me.

It’s truly a depressing story, but the upside is that all the thousand rabbonim that have visited this camp either a) didn’t visit b) didn’t have a clue about this camp that they so vehemently promoted. Either way, you can feel good about our clueless rabbonim.

I would’ve been happy to sell this expose to any takers, however they said no, mentioning some narishkeit about hearsay and sources (don’t exactly know what they wanted). So I’ll have to publish it myself. I really can also put up ads on my site to make me rich, but I’ll stay poor so that no one can accuse me of being being bought off by the camp directors to post this expose of them. Again you’re laughing, stop it.

You should also know that I am the ONLY one who has reams and reams of the frightful evidence. I thought about doing this post anonymously, but then it wouldn’t have the credibility I’ve earned with my previous unsourced attacks and would also cause a greater chillul hashem then I’m about to do. Are those tears in your eyes?

If I sound obsessed or something, it’s because I’m frustrated, frustrated that I’m screaming and screaming and no one is giving me the time of day. I get tens of thousands of phone calls from rabbonim, rebbes and roshei yeshiva, menhalim, mechanchim, accountants, lawyers, doctors and janitors all aghast at the camp they have been pushing. No, I won’t tell you their names, not even one. The camp mafia will kill them and their families (unlike me, who for some reason they haven”t ordered a hit on. Yes, it’s sort of depressing, what am I chopped liver??).  I cannot believe how Klal Yisroel is turning to ME to take care of it’s problems (actually, it’s kinda cool ;)). This camp situation is THE problem in Yiddishkiet today, not Torah and stuff like that. Our HOLY COMMUNITY is being debased by these camp guys, as you can see by the comments on my blog. Nasty blog comments prove that the situation is nasty which caused the nasty comments in the first place.

Do you think I enjoy all this attention? Of course not!! My first post was actually about chinuch and mentschlichkiet but since it has been over a month (do you believe it, a month! What tales so long to create perfect human beings??) and my orders recommendations have not been carried out to the letter, due to the interference of the super villains, therefore I will now attack and destroy them all. (Yes, I can do that, even though they’re super villains, their mafia cannot close ME down. Still not sure why they’re ignoring me though)

A caveat: In exposing this terrible scam, In addition to not providing any of the evidence I have, I will also not tell you who I am referring to (hint: check my previous posts). You can ask the victims of this con and they’ll tell you, although I’m not sure who the conners were and who the conees are but there were conners and conees and I will expose the truth. You look confused. Is it anything I said?

Really, I had no intention of being involved with this, when I first hocked a cheinek I had no idea what I was talking about. However that led to all the super-secret evidence coming my way, bit by bit, making be the new Bob Woodward ( I get shivers just thinking about it. Isn’t this spy stuff cool?). Some of my information I got from reliable sites such as The Onion and, others were from anonymous emails (they seemed to come from Nigeria, anybody have an idea how the Nigerians know about this?). Some facts I put together from my blog stats (I don’t know what that means, just sounds important) and other facts I got through leaked information. (The plumbers, remember? Watergate?) Many people helped me along the way but their names are not important. All you have to do is trust me. Again with the laughing.

As soon as I saw the brochure for this “camp” I KNEW something was horribly wrong.

1 Too good to be true. A camp that offers a “great time” and a “wonderful summer”? Can’t be. Whoever had a wonderful summer? Haven”t they heard of rainy days? The first sign of scandal.

2 They promise color war. Everyone knows that color war is just another way to suck in gullible campers. Then they promise a color war breakout for the ages, another lure to bait the fish (as I point out, camps in the 1920’s never had people jumping out of helicopters to announce color wars, suspicious indeed).

3 Details withheld: Just “you’ll have a great time”. No daily calenders, no minute by minute program, it MUST be a scam!

4 The booklet of stories and testimonials of campers describing what a good time they had. Who ever heard of using testimonials in an ad campaign??

5 Not associated with any known camp. Not aguda, not rayim, not shalvah. even though all the rabbonim of those camps promote this camp, but it has IT’S OWN NAME! How suspicious is that!

6 The director of the camp’s name (I said before I won’t name names, but I’ll link to a post where I do. Also in case you missed it, his name IS the link) is left off the brochure so people shouldn’t be put off by the lashon hora and rumors flying around his name (mostly started by me, but who’s checking?).

7 No verifiable references or testimonials. I mean it did say hundreds of specific names (unlike me who keeps my sources to myself) on posters all over the world, but how do you know that all the names aren’t forged? It’s not like you can call them or whatnot. You can call them and they would’ve protested if their names were forged? Surely they wouldn’t visit the camp if their names were forged? You’re forgetting it’s a mafia, a mafia I tell you (although they won’t get me, ha ha)! Sort of like that international Jewish conspiracy I read in some book, I forget it’s name protocols of the zaides or something.

8 Using photos unrelated to the topic: what does a photo of a happy boy have to do with you ponying up cash for a camp? Very suspicious.

So now let me tell you what’s REALLY going on. This camp is not really a camp, it’s a money making scam, cooked up by the director of this camp as well as the handyman who lives there all year. Basically they just want to take money money money from campers and their families. Now they do provide a camp so that’s not where the scam is. The scam is in the TRIP MONEY (shhh). Yes, the trip money is a surcharge they charged every naive camper for trips they had NO intention of going on. Even though they ended up not charging the trip fee and going on the trip regardless, that was only because something or the other happened, don’t ask me what.

Having realized that they botched up, the director and the handyman are not giving up. They intend on getting all campers to pay for the trips that they took last year by hook or by crook. To achieve that goal they put out a booklet, (which was printed before they cancelled the fee, but they knew they would have to cancel it) which pushes, pulls threatens and makes you quake in your boots (real scary pictures) if you don’t pay the fee. It does mention in big letters that the fee is optional, but not in REALLY BIG letters, just normal big ones. Thieves.

You may be tempted to explain the above as just a camp trying to arrange a nice trip for it’s campers, but don’t be fooled. It is a horrible, terrible, no good, money grubbing scam. If anyone has a different explanation, feel free to share it with me, but don’t use names, especially the name and organization that I used. This is not about people, but about a poor, perhaps well-intentioned but misguided camp. Who are evil, horrible, mean, nasty and call me names.

And don’t try to pin this all on this director or the above mentioned organization (even though that’s what I did). All the rabbonim who support this camp (even though they are naive, were duped and their signature forged and I have the greatest respect for them) should have their feet held to the fire. And all those who don’t want to read this article, sign them up anyway, what a surprise it will be for them. Wait, are you calling ME childish!

In summation: I do believe that all the rabbonim who promote this camp are sincere about it, although they have known exactly what type of scam they are getting into. I don’t know how this makes sense, ask them. Despite how this is not about me at all, you should just know what bad stuff I’ve gone through ever since I began calling people names in public and making baseless charges. Sheesh, are these guys sensitive! Call them thieves or whatever and they really get mean! Now they’re calling ME names, how DARE they!! Anyway this is the my last post on this subject after by previous two final posts and until my next final post. So long. And remember people, ALWAYS RESPECT RABBONIM!